So, I was supposed to be on my way to Kansas City, Missouri today with a group from First United Methodist. They're on their way to a conference at IHOP - The International House of Prayer. I've wanted to go there for some time. It sounds like a fascinating place. They have worship and praise going on 24/7 and that's been going on for 7 years. Can you imagine? I wanted to experience that, but Max had so much going on I just couldn't do it. This leaves me feeling somewhat strange. I know I'm right where I need to be but this is a new feeling for me too. It's funny. My maternal instincts kicked into gear a little late. I was a lousy baby and toddler mother. I kicked into high gear in elementary school out of sheer guilt and became supermom. When Max hit middle school it became so much easier for me. I have a friend who thinks I'm still 12. Anyway, so now I am loving being here for his stuff but not being all wierd about it. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone but it does to me. This weekend he plays in his first high school football game (freshman A team - go Max!) He's their starting deep snapper and has realized he could get creamed by a big ol' linebacker so he's pretty nervous. They outweigh him by probably 100 pounds. I told him that's what pads are for. It's also his first homecoming dance. Okay so he's my only child and there are only four homecoming dances. What can I say? As I type this I see the pendulum swinging from one extreme to another and finally possibly settling into some sort of balance as I raise this child to one day leave home and fly free. That is my intent. I don't want to be a hovering mother, been there. I don't want to be a screaming madwoman, been there. I sure don't want to be his best friend - he has those. I just want to be here. So I find peace in my existence. Yet I want more. I was upstairs a few minutes ago and wrote this:
Alone, yet not lonely-
Awake, but not alive-
Amidst, yet invisible-
Adorned, but not beautiful-
take me deeper.
I wonder sometimes where I am. One minute I think I know and the next I'm wondering. Sound confusing? You oughta be in here.
3 comments:
I would absolutely LOVE to go to IHOP!! It looks and sounds incredible. I can't imagine being able to worship 24/7. I would be in heaven:) I have some friends who are working there also.
Oh Candy,
I can't begin to tell you how often me & my girlfriend have these conversations...one minute we understand our purpose...two days later we'll call each other half laughing/half crying to each other, saying " what's it all about?" I love that your becoming a football fan!! My Nephew is in his 1st year of football, and its exciting & scary (for them). I love the pictues of him, don't they look sooo handsome in uniform??!!
Thanks for sharing your pictures & thoughts!! Dina
Both of my sons were in the band, so we went to football games to support the band. I didn't have to worry about their getting overpowered. Enjoy these days - they go so fast.
Post a Comment