Friendship, Faith and and Freedom

Yesterday I made a new friend. She's a young mother who bears a striking resemblance to my former self - before Alanon - before God stole my heart. I think God brought her into my living room, so I could tell her, "there is great hope for you!!" And I did. I hope she heard me.

As I think back on our conversation I realize that there is absolutely nothing or anyone I would rather talk about than God. I want to discuss Who He is - His character - His longing for us to know Him more. I want to tell you how He sees you and loves you so very much. I want to hear how He presents Himself to you. Can you hear Him? Can you see Him around you? What is He doing in your life?

So, in light of that topic, here's my first God story ever.

I used to live in fear. Serious fear. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I didn't want to listen to you for fear I may have to respond to you. And I knew I would sound like an idiot if I spoke. I just knew it. I had panic attacks just thinking about it. Teaching a class?? No way! Even if it was a class of preschoolers. I could sit there and do crowd control, but speak? No. Not in the realm of possibility. I may have done it once or twice but I have no recollection of it because I'm sure I was petrified the whole time. You get the picture. This fear affected every area of my life. I'm not sure when it began but at some point it began manifesting itself as claustrophobia - especially on airplanes. I got to the point where I had to take anti-anxiety medication just to get on a plane. So when my husband earned a trip to Hawaii, I panicked. How would I ever get there??

I had just had a serious spiritual awakening which led me to believe that surely God did not want me to rely on drugs to go on this trip. So I spent the weeks prior to the trip pouring over scriptures on fear and faith trying to find something that would trip the trigger and relieve me. I had lists of them. It was crazy. As the time came to leave I knew I was still freaking out. The first leg of our flight was a puddle jumper to get to Dallas. The flight would last about 45 minutes. This was the plane that really freaked me out. Those things are so small and loud!! But I figured I could do anything for 45 minutes so I saved the drugs for the big flight later. I sure didn't want them to wear off somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.

Picture this: There I am sitting by the window with my husband by my side. He's worried. This could get ugly. I have my Bible in hand, my Walkman plugged in with Rich Mullins blasting over the noise of the plane and I am praying. Now, mind you, I'm not afraid to fly. I'm not afraid to crash. I am afraid to be in the thing. Strange, I know. Bear with me. So I'm praying that God would speak to me and somehow let me know He is here, that He is bigger than this fear.

That's when I opened my Bible to Psalm 31. This is what I read in verses 6, 7 and 8.

I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.

I looked out the window and saw the MOST spacious place. Somehow God removed the airplane and gave me the distinct sense of how spacious this place was that I shared with Him. Well, I marked the verse, drew a stack of stones by it, dated it (1/3/2000, 7:25 am) and then showed it to Geoff. I wish you'd seen the look on his face. This is what he said, "God just spoke to you." That's when I knew it was true. And I haven't used drugs to fly since that day. Isn't that amazing?