SOZO
I spent all day Saturday at a Sozo ministry training and then on Monday night I was able to experience it for myself. Sozo is the Greek word for salvation only in the Greek it is so much more than just salvation. (Even as I type that I realize how absurd the statement is - how can salvation be "just" anything? It is revolutionary if we allow it to be.) But in Greek it means "saved, healed and delivered". Is that what you expected when you received Jesus into your heart? Did you expect to be not only saved but also healed and delivered? I don't remember anyone telling me that I would walk in all of those things, only that I had been saved from eternal damnation and been given the gift of eternal life. What are we doing?? We sell God so short. Ok, stepping down off my soap box.
Very simply Sozo is a prayer process thru which you lead the "sozo-ee" back to a source of wounding or pain, find Jesus there and allow Him to speak truth into the situation. There are 5 tools they've put together to help you through the process. It's amazing.
I want to tell you about my experience. My new friend, Sue, was the leader and my old friend, Diane, was her support. After we prayed inviting the Holy Spirit to be present and guide us, Sue began by asking me if there was anything I was struggling with or wanted to get past. I told them that I wanted to get past whatever it was that was blocking me from writing. I had started a story several months ago. When I started the story I was so excited. It just literally flowed out from my pen. Then I ran out of time and had to put it down. I've never taken the time to pick it back up. I know what you're thinking. Who has time anyway? Well, I do. Lots of it. Which made me feel even more guilty for not taking the time to write. Something was keeping me from it - a barrier.
I told them about my twin brother, Randy, who is an amazing artist. He was always "the creative one". At some point in time I believed that if I couldn't do what he did I was not creative. They had me close my eyes and we asked Jesus to take me back to a time when I got that message. Immediately I recalled a memory of sitting in church at about the age of 5 or 6. I was sitting between my mom and Randy. We used to play a game where I would squiggle a line on a piece of paper and Randy would draw it into some elaborate incredible picture and then he would squiggle a line and hand it to me. I would stare at it and see a squiggly line and then try to make sense of it. He would laugh. My mom would be amazed at what Randy had drawn and never acknowledge my "art". Here's how the rest of the Sozo session went:
Sue/Diane: How did that make you feel?
me: Rejected
Sue/Diane: Look around. Do you see Jesus there?
me: Yes. He's sitting behind me.
Sue/Diane: Ask Him what is the lie you received at that moment.
me: That I am not creative because I cannot do what Randy can.
Sue/Diane: What is Jesus doing now?
me: He got up and came around in front of me. He took my hands in His and stood me up. He is saying, "You have been given different gifts. I have gifted you with creative words. You see things in your mind and make word pictures of them." Then He turned me around and, with His hands on my shoulders said to my mom and Randy, "Watch out for this one!"
Now how cool is that! But that wasn't the end of it. Then Sue felt like I needed to forgive my mom for giving me the impression that I was not creative. So she led me through a sweet prayer of forgiveness where I was able to ask God to give her a hug for me. (She died last October) I love that. Then they were led to ask me if I might have put up a wall of protection that needed to be removed. So I closed my eyes again and asked Jesus to reveal that wall to me.
I saw myself walking into my bedroom and closing the door. (side note: I noticed that there wasn't a ceiling in the room as I walked in.) I immediately knew why this was my wall. When I was a kid whenever we had family or company over my mom and dad would have Randy get out all his drawings for everyone to see and I would just go to my room and shut the door. Nobody every seemed to wonder where I had gone. As I explained what I was seeing Diane asked me if the room had a ceiling. I said, "Funny you should ask, I actually noticed it didn't as I walked in." We all thought that was interesting. We would soon see why!
Sue/Diane: Why don't you ask Jesus to help you take the walls down?
me: He just walked up with two hammers and two chisel things. He's removing the top hinge of the door and I'm removing the bottom one. (Fascinating! I had control of the door but simply opening it was not enough. It had to be removed.)
Sue/Diane: What about the other walls? Does He want to take those down too or is He telling you that it's okay to leave them up?
me: He says it's okay to leave them up. But He's laughing and we're sitting in chairs in the middle of the room - laughing together.
Sue/Diane: What's happening now?
me (amazed): Words are pouring into the room through the ceiling and then out through the door. Now there are so many more words in the room than the door can handle that the walls are bulging out. Now they're busting down! Not a wall left! (So that's why He was laughing!!)
Sue/Diane: That is so cool! You're still in your safe place but there are NO LIMITATIONS!
I opened my eyes and we are all sitting there in complete awe. When we got back to reality Sue asked me if she could say a prayer of blessing over me. I can't remember a single word but that girl was on fire!
I feel such freedom! I am amazed at how simple the process was and how little time it took to complete. I think what I love the most is that Sue and Diane were as touched by the whole thing as I was. Sue gained so much confidence! She was absolutely beaming! God is so very, very good.
I hope to be able to use this in the future in many ways with those God brings into my sphere of influence. I am by no means a learned Sozo-er. But then, it's not really about us. It's about God. Why we think we have anything to do with it beyond our willingness to let Him use us to be His hands and feet and voice is beyond me. If we would really understand that, we would feel the pressure lift right off of us. We would be totally free to just be who He made us to be. I want that. I want it all.
And that, in a nutshell, is Sozo ministry. Let's talk.
Yesterday I had a hard time getting up and moving. I was not motivated to get into the shower and get dressed and ready for church. I felt drawn to the beauty of the day in my backyard. So I took my first cup of coffee out and sat down to take in the day. Before long Geoff joined me and we decided to spend the morning there. I recently put up a couple of bird feeders and I hadn't noticed any birds on them yet so I was delighted to see this:
I've got a thing going on with birds lately. I've noticed that every time I'm in the car driving I get swooped (they fly down in front of the windshield) by at least one bird if not more. Occasionally they fly down the road in front of me as if they're leading the way. I got swooped by a bird in my backyard this weekend. It flew right past my shoulder. Once a bird actually hovered over me in my backyard. Is this weird? Does anyone else have these strange bird experiences? I'm just curious.
I'll leave you with another image from my morning yesterday. I love red. I have these lilies growing in a pot on my patio. Aren't they cool??
Thrive!
I spent this last weekend working a Walk to Emmaus - #156. What an incredible blessing!! Forty-two women gathered in a conference room to hear and learn more about God's amazing love for them and how His grace is all they need. The transformation is what is usually so intriguing to me, from that moment they walk in to register looking somewhat apprehensive to downright fearful to that moment at the end where they are saying goodbye and hanging onto each other. The thing that was so different about this Walk is that they were hanging onto each other way before the end of this thing. These ladies bonded faster and more concretely than any group I've ever seen. I pray that God will continue to grow these relationships both with each other and with Him.
My job on this walk was to assist the director which found me at one point making a phone call for one of the ladies. The only place you can get cell phone service is upstairs at the end of a hallway. As I stood there making the call a hummingbird zoomed up within a foot of my face, hovered there for about 2 seconds and flew off. I was astounded. I honestly felt like God had sent that hummingbird to say, "Candy! I see you!" Then, because you never run out of God and there is always more - I looked over and saw the brightest red cardinal I have ever seen flying around out in the field, dancing, if you will (and I will). God is so good. He is always right there when we need Him or even if we don't. He is there. He's just waiting for us to see or hear Him. For me it's all about looking with spiritual eyes and listening with spiritual ears.
As I was walking back to load up my car and leave camp I passed by one of our incredible ladies from the praise team. In passing I told her what a blessing she had been to all of us that weekend. She stopped me and said this: "I've been watching you over the last 3 days." To which I replied, "You have??" She went on, "Yes, I have and I see now that you are a flower. The first day you were like a bud just beginning to open up. You were never closed up tight but just opening. As the weekend went on you became more full and open. Yes, you are a flower." Is that amazing?? This was God talking to me. You see, in November I'm going to talk to a group of young women ages 12-18 at a conference and the name is "Thrive!" and it's centered around a garden theme. With her words she had just confirmed to me that I am supposed to do it, and that God is already there. Did I mention her name is Rosetta? How good is God???
I'm finding out that when I am speaking to a group of people - no matter how large or how small - I become alive. I have never felt more joy or more alive than when God is using me to speak. Now, for those of you who know me, or have known me for any amount of time, you're falling off your chairs right about now. There was a time when I would have never considered speaking. In fact, I had no voice. I couldn't speak. Nothing came out. I had no words. He has changed me so much over the last 9 1/2 years. He has worked miracles in my life and He gave me a voice. I pray that I only use it to bring Him glory. I pray that I can give hope to others who are living in fear and suffering from the failure to thrive that I lived in for so many years. HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOD! Isn't it a relief not to have to be? (Well, we ought to be good but we don't have to be God, the job's taken!) That is very good news!
I intend to live like I know it.
In case you hadn't noticed by now, I love Henri Nouwen. Every morning I wake up, get a cup of coffee and sit down at the computer to read my daily meditation. It's always good, but sometimes it hits me in a special way. Today was one of those days. Nine and a half years ago I went on a spiritual retreat called Walk to Emmaus. Before I went on that Walk I read novels like they were going out of style. I'm not sure what that means but I would read at least one or two a week. I love to read. When I came home from the retreat I was hungry for a different kind of reading. I couldn't read novels anymore. (although today I can) I had an insatiable hunger for the Word. I got up every morning at 5:00 or 5:30 for several years voraciously devouring anything God had said. Then I started reading spiritual books. Which leads me to this morning's meditation. Check this out:
Reading Spiritually About Spiritual Things
Reading often means gathering information, acquiring new insight and knowledge, and mastering a new field. It can lead us to degrees, diplomas, and certificates. Spiritual reading, however, is different. It means not simply reading about spiritual things but also reading about spiritual things in a spiritual way. That requires a willingness not just to read but to be read, not just to master but to be mastered by words. As long as we read the Bible or a spiritual book simply to acquire knowledge, our reading does not help us in our spiritual lives. We can become very knowledgeable about spiritual matters without becoming truly spiritual people.
As we read spiritually about spiritual things, we open our hearts to God's voice. Sometimes we must be willing to put down the book we are reading and just listen to what God is saying to us through its words.
As I said, I've done a lot of "spiritual reading" in the last few years. I'm not completely sure I read it spiritually. But I'm going to trust that it was not all in vain. I don't want to be one who is knowledgeable about spiritual matters. I want to be a truly spiritually person. NOT religious!! Heaven forbid! In my personal opinion religion has ruined spirituality for many of us. I'm just hoping I haven't passed along any of it to my son, Max. My dad was a hellfire and brimstone Southern Baptist preacher and my mom seemed to believe that God was up in heaven just waiting for us to screw up so He could thump us on the head and make us get on our knees and beg Him to forgive us. Today I know God as my loving heavenly Father, my Abba, Daddy. When I screw up today instead of cowering in a corner wondering how long it will take for Him to finish with the rest of you and get to me, I look up and there He is pulling me into His lap and holding me tight as I tell Him all about it. The whole time He is comforting me and declaring His everlasting love over me. That's what I want to pass on to Max.
Now don't hear me faulting my parents for the way I was raised. I don't think they knew any better. It makes me sad to think they've lived their whole lives afraid of hell and not in love with the Father. Wow. That really hit me. I am not afraid of hell. Amazing. There was a time in my life when I cowered at the thought of all that fire. Now I love fire - God's all consuming fire that refines me has set me free from fear of hellfire. I'm thinking that is pretty cool. Here's a photo that depicts God's fire to me.
When I walk out my back door with my eyes drawn to the sky with the words, "Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love for I have put my trust in You" and I see this fire in the sky I know my mind is being refined, rewired. Now I tremble at His feet gladly in awe of His majesty and His love for me. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!!!" Lavishly loved children of the Most High God! Now that I can get excited about.
It is Finished!
The cross I've been working on, that is. Here it is:
(click on images to enlarge)
I had so much fun creating this depiction of Jesus washing the disciple's feet. Plus, as I mentioned before, I learned a lot. It was an interesting process for me. When Sarah first asked me to do a cross and listed the ones available I immediately chose this one. I had a picture in my head at once of what I wanted it to look like. The only thing that changed from the original image in my head is the faucet. That came during our preacher's sermon on Jesus washing the disciple's feet a couple of weeks ago. The song we sang right after the sermon was "Nothing But the Blood of Jesus". You know it. "What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus." As we sang I saw in my mind's eye a faucet coming out of the cross with blood flowing out of it and into the pitcher. Then the water ran from the pitcher crystal clear. The faucet I saw had a handle on it. So, I went to the hardware store and found a faucet. It was just what I had envisioned only it was very shiny silver and rather large. I put it back and kept looking. That's when I found the little spout I ended up using. As I walked to the car with my purchase I was having a conversation with God, telling Him I wasn't sure this was going to work since I had envisioned a faucet with a handle. I clearly heard in my mind, "You can't turn me off". Ok, Wow! Of course not! We can't turn God on or off and the blood flowing from the cross is constantly cleansing us. I love it. It's perfect. God is so good. He is Alive and well!! He is Risen - Indeed!
Labels: art
Blog-a-versary!
Today this blog is 5 years old! Amazing. Although I'm not very prolific, this still seems incredible. I'd like to do better at posting. Sometimes, like last night, in the middle of the night I wake up and think, "Blog about that!" But then I get up and I have no idea what "that" was, I just know there was something important enough to wake me up and make me think I needed to write about it. I think at those times I need to sit down and be still and ask God if it was as important to Him as it was to me and if so, please help me remember. But right now, I'm celebrating! Five Years! Wow!
And....I must finish this cross!! - which is coming along wonderfully. I'm hoping to finish it today. That's my goal! I'm putting the color on the bowl and pitcher. Words to be written. Attaching everything.
I've learned something about myself in the process. In the past I've been impatient with art. I want to sit down and start something and finish it right then. I'm not real fond of time consuming projects. Going through the process of building the bowl and pitcher through papier mache has been rewarding and has taught me to be a little more patient. As the finished product begins to reveal itself I'm excited and the destination has become worth the journey. I'm layering color on and the same thing is true. I'll know it's finished when I see it. It's not yet, but soon.
Isn't it just like God to take an art project and teach you a life lesson? Sometimes I'd like to skip to the end of everything. But there is worth in the process. There is God in the moments. I have another project I've set aside because I'm too antsy to do the minute by minuteness of it - I wanted it to flow so smoothly that I could get to the end quickly. When I didn't, I laid it aside as if it had no value. Huge mistake! I'll be picking that project back up as soon as I complete this one. Today is a grateful day for me. A humbling day.
This was my Henri Nouwen meditation for today:
Being Humble and Confident
As we look at the stars and let our minds wander into the many galaxies, we come to feel so small and insignificant that anything we do, say, or think seems completely useless. But if we look into our souls and let our minds wander into the endless galaxies of our interior lives, we become so tall and significant that everything we do, say, or think appears of great importance.
We have to keep looking both ways to remain humble and confident, humorous and serious, playful and responsible. Yes, the human person is very small and very tall. It is the tension between the two that keeps us spiritually awake.
Remember to look both ways today. I'm off to get my hands in the paint!!
It's Not About Me - Really, It's Not
I need to get into "creative mode". In one week I'm delivering a cross decorated (for lack of a better word) as a station of the cross. This particular cross is going to portray Jesus washing the disciple's feet. I've had a lot of ideas but now it's time to put them into action. I wonder why I'm hesitant. It's not procrastination. It feels like something more than that. It feels like a huge responsibility. I just don't want to get it wrong. I want God to use this cross to transport those who see it to a place of cleansing - His cleansing - the cleansing of His blood and into a place of quiet, matter-of-fact, glory-sharing service. But more than that I want it to portray the love that it took to do what Jesus did - both in the washing of the disciple's feet and in dying on the cross. I know that if I let go and let God that's exactly what will happen. Right now I feel like I have my hands wrapped tightly around these fence pickets that my friend, Kevin, stapled together into a crude cross. I need to let go. I need to take the next steps to bring to life the vision in my head. Get in His Presence. Form the idea. Get in His Presence. Buy the stuff. Get in His Presence. Do the work. Get in His Presence. Ask Him to bless it. Then it will be complete. Actually, now, having worked through this process, I'm excited! Because really, it's not about me at all. That is the best news yet! Here's a before picture:
