A little insight into my world

In case you hadn't noticed by now, I love Henri Nouwen. Every morning I wake up, get a cup of coffee and sit down at the computer to read my daily meditation. It's always good, but sometimes it hits me in a special way. Today was one of those days. Nine and a half years ago I went on a spiritual retreat called Walk to Emmaus. Before I went on that Walk I read novels like they were going out of style. I'm not sure what that means but I would read at least one or two a week. I love to read. When I came home from the retreat I was hungry for a different kind of reading. I couldn't read novels anymore. (although today I can) I had an insatiable hunger for the Word. I got up every morning at 5:00 or 5:30 for several years voraciously devouring anything God had said. Then I started reading spiritual books. Which leads me to this morning's meditation. Check this out:

Reading Spiritually About Spiritual Things

Reading often means gathering information, acquiring new insight and knowledge, and mastering a new field. It can lead us to degrees, diplomas, and certificates. Spiritual reading, however, is different. It means not simply reading about spiritual things but also reading about spiritual things in a spiritual way. That requires a willingness not just to read but to be read, not just to master but to be mastered by words. As long as we read the Bible or a spiritual book simply to acquire knowledge, our reading does not help us in our spiritual lives. We can become very knowledgeable about spiritual matters without becoming truly spiritual people.

As we read spiritually about spiritual things, we open our hearts to God's voice. Sometimes we must be willing to put down the book we are reading and just listen to what God is saying to us through its words.

As I said, I've done a lot of "spiritual reading" in the last few years. I'm not completely sure I read it spiritually. But I'm going to trust that it was not all in vain. I don't want to be one who is knowledgeable about spiritual matters. I want to be a truly spiritually person. NOT religious!! Heaven forbid! In my personal opinion religion has ruined spirituality for many of us. I'm just hoping I haven't passed along any of it to my son, Max. My dad was a hellfire and brimstone Southern Baptist preacher and my mom seemed to believe that God was up in heaven just waiting for us to screw up so He could thump us on the head and make us get on our knees and beg Him to forgive us. Today I know God as my loving heavenly Father, my Abba, Daddy. When I screw up today instead of cowering in a corner wondering how long it will take for Him to finish with the rest of you and get to me, I look up and there He is pulling me into His lap and holding me tight as I tell Him all about it. The whole time He is comforting me and declaring His everlasting love over me. That's what I want to pass on to Max.

Now don't hear me faulting my parents for the way I was raised. I don't think they knew any better. It makes me sad to think they've lived their whole lives afraid of hell and not in love with the Father. Wow. That really hit me. I am not afraid of hell. Amazing. There was a time in my life when I cowered at the thought of all that fire. Now I love fire - God's all consuming fire that refines me has set me free from fear of hellfire. I'm thinking that is pretty cool. Here's a photo that depicts God's fire to me. When I walk out my back door with my eyes drawn to the sky with the words, "Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love for I have put my trust in You" and I see this fire in the sky I know my mind is being refined, rewired. Now I tremble at His feet gladly in awe of His majesty and His love for me. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!!!" Lavishly loved children of the Most High God! Now that I can get excited about.