I was having a conversation with a friend the other day that brought up a story from my high school days. It was while I was telling this story that I had an epiphany.
Has anyone else out there ever read the book "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut? I read it when I was a sophomore or junior in high school. It was fascinating. It was also the beginning of the end before my eventual (entirely too many years later) new beginning. In the book Vonnegut describes a religion called Bokononism. Remember, it's purely fiction, written to entertain, not to be taken seriously. My friend, Debbie and I decided this "religion" would be kind of fun to adopt for the weekend of Young Life camp. I know. I was one of those kids. We really were just trying to have fun. Unfortunately the leaders took us quite seriously and sat us down separately to "talk". I have no idea what Debbie told them but I decided to take it a step further and see if they could answer a question that was raised in the book. The question is "What is real?" I remember the conversation as if it was yesterday. I started out egging them on with questions like "This chair here, is it real?" when somewhere in the course of the conversation I began to really wonder - what is real? It became clear that my Young Life leader could not answer the question. And that started the crack. Up to that time I was God's. No question. But now, there were questions. And apparently they had no answers.
Today I know what it was I wanted, no, needed to hear. I needed to hear that beyond all this there is more - so much more. I needed to hear that what we're doing here that matters is all about love. That is real. That is all that's real. The love we share, the relationships and how we handle them in love, that's what really matters. How we walk through life either loving or not - that counts. That lives on. That is real. The things unseen - all the life going on around us that is spirit - holy and otherwise - that stuff is real. The chair? Sure. It sits there. But it will be gone. All this will one day be gone. But love lives on - and so does our spirit. The rest is a vapor. A space in time taken up by matter that doesn't even matter. That's what I needed someone to say to me - the you inside that I can't see - you matter. But I didn't hear that. What I heard was - "come on you know that's crazy. What do you want from me? I can't answer that question. Just please tell me you aren't serious." C~R~A~C~K
From that day on I was different. I didn't feel the same. I didn't see the same. I didn't hear the same. There had been a shift in the atmosphere.
At Soaking the other night I decided to ask God about this revelation. First I asked Him where He was that day. I envisioned myself in that cabin with my YL leader and there He was - arms outstretched - desperately wanting me to choose Him. I chose the world. I asked Him, "what was the lie I believed that day?" He answered, "You believed that if I can't see it, it's not real. I can't see God, therefore, He's not real." I bought into the enemy's trap. He got me good. Looking back I see it all in a different light. It was not an innocent game played by two teenage girls. This was life or death. That day death won. From that day forward I began to believe a lot of lies that before my heart had been guarded against. Now my guard was down. Wow. Amazing what one can see if one allows herself to open her eyes. The next thing I did as I lay there at Soaking was ask God to forgive me for not choosing Him that day. Then I forgave myself for making a bad - no lousy - choice that affected my whole life for years to come. I broke any agreement I had made with the lie and then I asked God to show me His truth in that moment. He told me I "have eyes to see the unseen and ears to hear the unspoken". I am restored to the person I was meant to be all along. Restoration - what a great word! Then I shut the door I had opened in that moment - the door of unbelief - slammed shut. So where is God now? He is all around me - all over me - saturating me from the inside out! And I receive this gift of mercy, this incredible gift of love. It is real. I can feel it - just as much as I can feel this chair I'm sitting on.
God is so good!! I love Him so very much but not even close to how much He loves me. And He loves you that much too. Trust it. Trust Him. He is real. He is love.
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