Passing

One of my best friends in the world passed away a little over an hour ago. She is so very precious to me. I didn't know her long enough. I wasn't done knowing her. She is the only person I know who knows who I am as a mother - where my heart loves from and how dangerously close to the edge I teetered on the brink of shame. We rose up out of it together. We pulled each other up step by miry step out of a deep pit. If I faltered, she pulled. If she faltered, I pulled. All it took was a look. I thank God we made it to the top. I know He was holding onto both of us. It is somewhat comforting knowing they're together. But I miss her. She has beautiful hands. Her laughter made my ears happy. She taught me how important it is to dance. I'll never look at the color green the same way again. Never. I daresay it could become my favorite color. Yes, it's chasing red away even now. I know right now she knows the meaning and feeling of joy in a way I long to know it. She was a joy but she wasn't aware of it. She had a light in her that made the darkness run away screaming. She is stronger than anyone I know. She could put one foot in front of another in a way that made the path look like you could travel it too. Mostly she loved. She loved her Jack. She loved her boys. All of them. So much. She loved her family with her whole entire heart. She taught me a lot about how to be a better mother. She made her friends feel important, like you were the only one in the world all at once. She made me feel special. We liked all the same music - loud. We wanted to go to Toronto and Redding together so bad we could scream. We wanted to see angels. Now she's dancing with them and I am green. I love you Kathy.

PSALM 18

I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18 - for Kathy...and for me.