Henri Nouwen on Solitude

Finding Solitude

All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do, act like we do. Each of us is unique, and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.

Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to study, how to pray, and when to ask for counsel. But wise choices will help us to find the solitude where our hearts can grow in love.

I used to feel lonely.  It was painful.  I will attest to that truth.  The loneliness made me want to cling to anyone who helped temporarily relieve the pain, just as this quote states.  And clinging to "anyone" is never a good idea.  I wish I could help some of the teenagers I know today understand the truth that the clinging only causes more pain.  But it took me years to grasp that and to learn to cling to the only real source of love, so why should I think they can learn it from me.  I never listened to anyone who was trying to help me.  Maybe that's the key...listening.  They were doing a whole lot of talking and not much listening.  What if we shifted our strategy from lecturing to listening?

Today I understand what Henri Nouwen is saying in this quote.  I treasure the time I spend by myself  because I know that ultimately I am never alone.  I am sitting with Love.  I am surrounded by Peace. And that is good.