Surprised by Joy!

At the beginning of this year I had every intention of writing here much more often.  I know this.  I need to write.  I know I would be more me if I did, more of the me I was created to be.  So what keeps me from it?  I have no idea.  Some crazy inner lie?  I'm digging for it.  I want to be rid of it.  I want to shine and surprise myself like I imagine the sky was surprised when this brilliant rainbow showed up in it one day.  I know I was surprised by it.  Maybe the sky wasn't surprised at all.  Maybe I won't be either if I just do what I was born to do.

Yesterday my life took a turn I was not expecting and I did something totally uncharacteristic for me.  I reached out.  I asked for help.  I begged for prayer.  And what I got in return was no surprise.  I received peace in the storm.  I received what I had been promised.  His Presence.  And joy!

So, here it is.  Saturday I began having some abdominal pain which got way worse on Sunday.  But when I sneezed on Monday morning and was instantly doubled over in pain, broke out in a cold sweat and felt like I was going to pass out my amazing husband decided it was time to see the doctor.  What happened next changed everything.  After drinking a big huge bottle of very nasty stuff (which as it turns out has some side effects I won't share here), a CT Scan which involved shooting dye into my body thru an IV, two sets of blood work, an antibiotic shot, a chest x-ray, a sonogram and one prescription, all involving two doctors and numerous other incredible people who poked me along the way - it has been confirmed that there is a 10 cm cystic mass that has invaded my body.  That sucker is huge and I had no idea!  Seems weird to think I'm that out of tune with my own body but apparently I am.  So I am thanking God for revealing it and for working out all the details of my day yesterday to go so incredibly smoothly and peacefully.  And then there's the joy.  On December 30th I got a tattoo.  Here it is:

It's a sheep.  And up to now I've been very "sheepish" about sharing it.  It's located on my left inner forearm.  Not many people notice it.  Until you need to draw blood or place IV's.  And so the joy came from sharing my sheep story.  I chose a sheep because I deeply identify with the Parable of the Lost Sheep.  If I put a word inside him (which I'm thinking about doing) it will be "trovato" which means "found" in Italian.  I'm the sheep Jesus left the rest of the flock to go find.  And He did.  He found me in a very big way.  I got to share that story 4 times yesterday.

And so I'm having surgery at 7:30 Wednesday morning.  And I'm excited to see how God will use my sheep while I'm there!  But mostly right now I'm grateful for all my amazing friends and their willingness to cover me in prayer.  I even found a scripture for all this stuff.  Psalm 16

Keep me safe, O God,
      for I have come to you for refuge.

 I said to the Lord, “You are my Master!
      Every good thing I have comes from you.”
 The godly people in the land
      are my true heroes!
      I take pleasure in them!
Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods.
      I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood
      or even speak the names of their gods.

 Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
      You guard all that is mine.
 The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
      What a wonderful inheritance!

 I will bless the Lord who guides me;
      even at night my heart instructs me.
 I know the Lord is always with me.
      I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

 No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
      My body rests in safety.
 For you will not leave my soul among the dead
      or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
 You will show me the way of life,
      granting me the joy of your presence
      and the pleasures of living with you forever.