I found this quote on bjk's blog and had to use it here. It's from "Hinds Feet in High Places":
"The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever."
Yesterday I had an epiphany. (It was for me anyway.) I was all alone in the pool. Normally I float on a floatie or a noodle. I was too lazy to get out and get one so I decided to try that floating thing again. On my 50th birthday I had floated for the first time in my life unaided by floating devices. The only way I could do it was with my fingers in my ears, thus making the floating experience less than desireable since it's really hard to relax while holding your fingers in your ears. Yesterday I did it! I really floated! AND relaxed!
This may not seem like a big deal to most of you. But I have a fear of water. I've feared water my whole life. I don't remember not having a fear of water. Have I ever told you my baptism story? When my twin brother and I were 12 he wanted to be baptized. So my parents threw me in on the deal. They told me it was time. My dad baptized us on a Sunday night. My first thought coming up out of the water was, "I didn't drown." and my second thought was, "Oh great, now my hair's wet." Not exactly a spiritual experience for me. Many many years later at the age of 45 I was rebaptized by my friend and spiritual mentor, Lynette. That time it was my choice. But I have to admit the whole day before the event I was really afraid of the water.
Anyway, back to my epiphany. I've been thinking about the word surrender lately. And yesterday in the pool, all alone, I got it a little deeper - what surrender really is. It's trust. And so, back to the quote above - I'm left with one passionate desire. Him. And to lay back in His arms with my fingers out of my ears and my eyes wide open looking straight up, totally relaxed.
6 comments:
Sounds like a big day to me!
Trust and vulnerability.....being vulnerable overcoming your fear of the water...scary stuff! But oh...how He meets us in being vulnerable....
I used to love to do that out in the ocean. Allowing the waves to push me up and down, swaying. It's a wonderful feeling.
Conquering and letting go, being and trusting! Bravo on the new success!
I LOVE your analogy -- I teach swimming lessons, and it's so hard to tell the little guys (I've never taught grown-ups, but I would!) that if they would quit fighting the water, the floating part would work. It goes against every natural "fight or flight" instinct they have. So does trusting. Thanks for the great words.
well..its a tough one but He continually reminds me that He's taking care of me...just really appreciated Scott's blog about Thomas...dangit..hate doubting..Thanks be to God who loves me anyway..
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