The Challenge

Next week is Thanksgiving. We always go to my parent's home in Colorado Springs for Thanksgiving. We always eat. We always watch television. We always act as if we are a healthy, whole family who has always been healthy and whole. It's always exactly the same. A dear friend of mine always says, "nothing changes if nothing changes." So, the challenge for me - a challenge I'm putting on myself - is to try to change things. I know I've changed. I wonder if my family will know it.


My mother is going to be 84 on Monday. My father is going to be 89 in December. The question is...can they live thru a change? I sometimes picture myself opening my mouth and saying the unspoken things and they fall out - dead. For some reason I think the truth will kill these people. It's been so ingrained in me that "if you don't talk about it, it never happened". It's a rule we have lived by for so many years it seems like reality. Maybe I can start out by asking them to tell about when we were little. What was it like here in this house we called home?


What I really want to accomplish by taking on this challenge is to bring Light into the shadows that hang over my family. I want them to know I know. I want them to know I know they did the best they could while they blindly led us into the darkness. I want them to know there were glimmers of light there. I want them to know I forgive them. I want them to know my God is redeeming all those memories and bringing them into the Light of Truth. I want to be able to speak and be heard. No to be shushed and ignored. I wonder if I have the courage. I wonder if I have the words. I wonder if my voice will be strong or if it will be muffled behind the heaviness of the closet door. I guess there's only one way to find out. If you read this I ask you to pray for my family, that doors will be opened and Light will flow in.