Voice

Approximately 10 years ago God restored my voice.  It was nothing short of miraculous.

I'm not sure when my voice was taken but I bet if I get myself positioned in His Presence He would gladly show me.  I'll definitely be doing that soon.  I need to know.

I don't know if you're one of those people who freely talk about anything and everything or if you're one of those people who find it quite difficult to put into words what's going on in their head and/or heart.  I was the latter for most of my life.  There was always a lot going on in my head/heart but I couldn't verbalize it.  Or wouldn't is maybe a more accurate way to put it.  I would have said I couldn't, but I know now that it was more out of protection than inability to do so.  I thought I was protecting my heart, protecting myself from preconceived ridicule, from preconceived rejection and preconceived unacceptance.  What if you really knew me, knew what I was thinking, knew where I'd been and what I'd done, would you still want to walk this road with me?  What if you really knew me?  That thought scared the socks off of me.  I desperately needed you to accept me but there was every indication in my mind that you would not.  (You being anyone and everyone I came into contact with in any given day.)

Crazy thinking.

Do you see how self-centered that is?  Do we really think anyone else is thinking about us at all?  No, they're too worried about themselves and how they're being perceived or accepted.  Amazing.  All lies.  I am so glad I've grown as much as I have over the years.

But it is incredible to see how quickly I can be catapulted back in time.  That happened to me recently.  A group I'm involved with has been used to attempt, quite without their awareness of what's going on on a deeper level, to steal my voice from me.  And I almost fell for it.  That's the scariest part.  I almost let it happen.  But God.  He is so good to me.  He has opened my eyes.  And my mouth.  I will not be silenced.  I will speak my truth - His truth in my life.  And I won't apologize for it.  I will be held accountable for my voice and how I used or didn't use it.  I fully intend to be congratulated on my obedience.  I lived too long in silence and self-induced fear.  I do not live there any longer and I will never go back.  I have been set free!  And it is glorious!